We tend to start by quoting the previous incident or telling a negative remark and setting a negative tone.
Do you know Less is More?
Have you ever felt that the other person doesn’t take any action even after you repeating million times, you only got the realization that they paid less attention and still hasn’t got the message completely?
Have you ever felt you have been taken for granted, after repeating and emphasizing your point especially when you are trying to create some boundaries?
Have you ever felt that you are been ignored by another person and you hear your voice at the peak with emotions overwhelming and you feel disheartened?
I have found that the tonality of the content is essential for the other person to listen to you although repetition is the best way to make your point noticed. We tend to start by quoting the previous incident or telling a negative remark and setting a negative tone. By repeating negative words you are creating an automatic word bank in your mind which comes out spontaneously even if you do not realize it.
For example-
“I have told you many times and I can’t emphasis enough, again don’t be late to ---------.”
For some you may not see any issue with this sentence, however, this is a negative tone of the message.
Whether you say this to a child, teenager, partner/spouse, adult, or your pet no matter whom you say it, they would only ignore this as you are making them feel small, guilty, and irresponsible. It is setting a negative tone.
Even if they have scheduled other things well in advance to be there on time, this part of the sentence is not encouraging for them.
So many negative words in one simple sentence – I can’t, don’t, be late...
Maybe your intentions are truly not to hurt your person, but these are auto words in your mind directory. It is coined in such a way that with just one trigger words pour out of your mouth and it is completely unintentional.
My 3-year-old fur baby has got into the habit of watching the street for ongoing vehicles and people walking on the side pavement. However these days due to the weather it is not possible to keep the front door open. So I started telling him “No Simba I can’t open the door” and “It’s cold out there”. I repeat these words at least 10-15 times a day. I realized why am I saying so many negative words to him, it hurts my mind too.
If you have listened to some scholars or more learned people who knows how to communicate effectively, they follow some simple rule “Speak Less, Listen to More”
You must have heard of this too “talk less, work more”.
At any given time, talking/speaking less can create more impact than repeating, raising the volume, or emphasising negative tonality.
Listening to others before you speak is the thumb rule for effective communication, however, I would like to suggest listening to your words before you speak.
I encourage you to follow these 3 steps then your communication will be truly effective.
To Simba these days I only say “I will open the door when the weather is fine”. He acknowledges that too.
